Martyrdom

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
-Oscar Wilde

Mark Twain on ambition

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.  Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
~Mark Twain

Belief

If you can make god bleed,
The people will cease to believe in him.

The souls of the weary are drug by the tyranny of the wise and the foolish,
Tempted by the hands of fate,
The souls of the worthy will justify the feelings of the masses.

Out there, somewhere?

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
~Bill Watterson

Degradation

History is the transformation of tumultuous conquerors into silent footnotes. ~Paul Eldridge, Maxims for a Modern Man

The difference between scientists

"A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously, he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

Hesketh Pearson

“Our true Patron Saint is not St George but Sir John Falstaff….we are the most civilised people in the world, the reason being that we are the most humorous people in the world”

The English Genius, 1939

Events mostly unimportant

"History: An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools." ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

A Great Dust Heap

"History is a great dust heap." ~Thomas Carlyle, Obiter Dicta

Define historian

"Historian: A broad-gauge gossip." ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

What is a historian?

"Historian: an unsuccessful novelist." ~H.L. Mencken

Define: History

"History: gossip well told." ~Elbert Hubbard, The Roycroft Dictionary

Old Man History

"History with its flickering lamp stumbles along the trail of the past, trying to reconstruct its scenes, to revive its echoes, and kindle with pale gleams the passion of former days." ~Winston Churchill

Career Requirements of a Politician

"He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."

George Bernard Shaw

Post-event wisdom

"It is easy to be wise after the event."

Cognitive Heroics

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes."-Benjamin D'israeli

Chess Analogy

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box."
-Russian proverb

Cynical

"Life is short, art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous, judgment difficult."

Flashy's Sufferance

"The point is I've made capital out of my dishonourable scars by adhering to one golden rule — Flashy's Sufferance, I call it: always convey, but never say, that your injury is a sight worse than it really is. It’s elementary, really. In convalescence this ensures sympathy, if you play it properly — the barely perceptible wince, the sharp little intake of breath, the faint smile followed by the quick shake of the head, and never a word of complaint from the dear brave boy — but far more importantly, in the heat of battle it enables you to feign mortal hurt and shirk any further part in the action."-George MacDonald Fraser, via Harry Flashman

The Age of Reason

"I was Catholic until I reached the Age Of Reason" -George Carlin

It isn't exactly brain surgery, now is it?

The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon. - Robert Cormier

Writing Cricket Bats

"What we're trying to do is to write cricket bats, so that when we throw up an idea and give it a little knock, it might...travel."

Sir Henry's wise words

"Well, let us hope for the best and prepare ourselves for the worst,"said Sir Henry, who is always cheerful and even spirited -- a very tower of strength in the time of trouble.

Forgiveness

"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."
~Oscar Wilde

Henry Ford

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

Russel Lynes

"Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it."

George Orwell: England and the English

"England and the English as a rule, they will refuse even to sample a foreign dish, they regard such things as garlic and olive oil with disgust, life is unlivable to them unless they have tea and puddings."

The Folly of War

"C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre. C'est de la folie."
(It's magnificent, but it's not war. It is madness.
-Marshal Pierre Bosquet, observing the Charge of the Light Brigade.

P. J. O'Rourke

"Mortar fire is to be preferred, of course, to British sports fans."

Duncan Spaeth

"I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God would never trust an Englishman in the dark."

Two groups of people

"The world still consists of two clearly divided groups; the English and the foreigners. One group consists of less than 50 million people; the other of 3,950 million people. The latter group does not really count."

Argument against arguments...

"The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion."
~G. K. Chesterton, 1874-1936

Economic Forecasting

"The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable."
~John Kenneth Galbraith, 1908-2006

Artificial Intelligence VS Natural Stupidity

"Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
~Author Unknown

The Lottery of Life

"Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first place in the lottery of life".
~Cecil Rhodes, 1853-1902, South African statesman

Admiral Horatio Lord Nelson

"First, you must implicitly obey orders… Secondly, you must consider every man as your enemy who speaks ill of your King... And thirdly, you must hate a Frenchman as you do the devil".

(Giving advice to a new recruit on how to survive in the Royal Navy)

Brookshaw- 'Latin'

"And remember that as an Englishman you have a perfect right to treat God as a social equal and the Devil as an inferior, that way lies Salvation."

Nobody's indespensable...

"The graveyards are full of indespensable men."
~Charles de Gaulle

Groucho Marx

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

The secret of eternal youth...

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
~Lucille Ball

Oscar Wilde

"A poet can survive everything but a misprint."

The best audience is...

"The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk."
~Alben William Barkley

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often suprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers."

Not a one-shot deal

"The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon." - Robert Cormier

The Picture of Dorian Gray

"Well, Harry," said the old gentleman, what brings you out so early? I thought you dandies never got up till two, and were not visible till five." "Pure family affection, I assure you, Uncle George. I want to get something out of you."
~Oscar Wilde

What is reality, but a superficial label?

"But, dear sir, can you not see what I have written? Can you not touch it, smell it, taste it, in your mind? And you still dare to label my creations less present and factual than the convincing illusion we call reality?"

Albert Einstein (possibly!)

"There are two infinite things, the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not even sure about the universe."

H. G. Wells, on cheerfulness

"While there is a chance of the world getting through its troubles, I hold that a reasonable man has to behave as though he were sure of it. If at the end your cheerfulness in not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful."

On William Gladstone

"Inebriated with the exhuberance of his own verbosity, and gifted with an egotistical imagination."
-Benjamin Disraeli, on William Gladstone, a political rival

Detritus Teaches...

"When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."

-- Detritus learns about weapons safety (Terry Pratchett, Night Watch)

Where do politicians come from?

"Politicians are not born, they are excreted"
~Marcus Tullius Cicero

Charles Darwin

"My first feeling was to congratulate myself that I was born an Englishman"

Who's Who of Flashman

The first nine or so instalments of the Flashman Papers were prefaced by a 1909 Who's Who entry. However, with the publication of Flashman and the Tiger, this was superceded by the following biographical note.


FLASHMAN, Harry Paget. Brigadier-general, V.C., K.C.B., K.C.I.E.; Chevalier, Legion of Honour; Order of Maria Theresa, Austria; Order of the Elephant, Denmark (temporary); U.S. Medal of honor; San Serafino Order of purity and truth, 4th Class. b May 5, 1822, s of H. Buckley Flashman, Esq., Ashby and Hon. Alicia Paget; m. Elspeth Rennie Morrison, d. of Lord Paisley; one s., one d. educ. Rugby School. 11th Hussars, 17th Lancers. Served Afghanistan, 1841-42 (medals, thanks of Parliament); chief of staff to H. M. James Brooke, Rajah of Sarawak Batang Lupar expedn, 1844; milit. advisor, H.M. Queen Ranavalona of Madagascar, 1844-5; Sutlej campaign, 1845-6 (Ferozeshah, Sobraon, envoy extraordinary to Maharani Jeendan, Court of Lahore); polit. advisor to Herr (later Chancellor Prince) Von Bismarck, Schleswig-Holstein, 1847-8; Crimea staff (Alma, Sevastopol, Balaclava), Prisoner of war, 1854; Artillery adviser to Atilik Ghazi, Syr Daria campaign, 1855; Sepoy Mutiny, 1857-8, dip, envoy to HRH the Maharani of Jhansi, trooper 3rd Native Cavalry, Meerut, subseq. att, Rowbotham’s Mosstroopers, Cawnpore, (Lucknow, Gwalior, etc., V.C.); Adjutant to Captain John Brown, Harper’s Ferry, 1859; China campaign 1860, polit. mission to Nanking, Taiping Rebellion, polit. and other services, Imperial Court, Pekin U.S. Army (major, Union forces, 1862; colonel (staff) Army of the Confederacy, 1863); a.d.c. to H.I.M. Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico, 1867; interpreter and observer Sioux campain, U.S. 1875-6 (Camp Robinson conference, Little Bighorn, etc.); Zulu War, 1879 (Isandhlwana, Rorke’s Drift); Egypt 1882 (Kassassin, Tel-el-Kebir); personal bodyguard to H.I.M. Franz-Joseph, Emperor of Austria 1883; Sudan 1884-5 (Khartoum); Pekin Legations, 1900. Travelled extensively in military and civilian capacities among them supercargo, merchant marine (West Africa); agriculturist (Mississippi valley); wagon captain and hotelier (Santa Fe Trail); buffalo hunter and scout (Oregon Trail); courier (Underground Railroad); majordomo (India), prospector (Australia); trader and missionary (Solomen Islands, Fly River, etc.); lottery supervisor (Manila); diamond Broker and horse coper (Punjab); dep. marshall, U.S.; occasional actor and impersonator. Hon. mbr of numerous societies and clubs, including Sons of the Volsungs (Strackenz), Mimbreno Apache Copper Mines band (New Mexico), Kokand Horde (Central Asia), Kit Carson’s Boys (Colorado), Brown’s Lambs (Maryland), M.C.C., Whites and United Service (London, both resigned), Blackjack (Batavia). Chmn, Flashman and Bottomley, Ltd.; dir. British Opium Trading Co.; governor, Rugby School; hon. pres. Mission for Reclamation of Reduced Females. Publications: Dawns and Departures of a Soldier’s Life; Twixt Cossack and Cannon; The Case Against Army Reform. Recreation: oriental studies, angling, cricket (performed first recorded “hat-trick”; Wickets of Felix, Pilch and Mynn for 14 runs; Rugby Past and Present v Kent, Lord’s 1842; 5 for 12, Mynn’s Casuals v All Engand XI, 1843). Add. Gandamack Lodge, Ashby, Leics.

Marley was dead...

"Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail."
-Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol