My Boswell... :')

"I am lost without my Boswell."
~Sherlock Holmes, speaking to and on the subject of Dr. Watson.

Downton Abbey~ Ridiculous Life

"'Do you enjoy these games, in which the player must appear ridiculous?'
'Sir Richard, life is a game in which the player must appear ridiculous.'"

Library of Originality

"An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them."

~Stephen Fry

London...

"...London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained."

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes

Explaining cricket (to a foreigner!)

"You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have been out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!"

Worldly knowledge

"Books that were all about the world tended to be written by people who knew all about books rather than all about the world." -Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

Flashy's Sufferance

  "The point is I ‘ve made capital out of my dishonourable scars by adhering to one golden rule — Flashy’s Sufferance, I call it: always convey, but never say, that your injury is a sight worse than it really is. It’s elementary, really In convalescence this ensures sympathy, if you play it properly — the barely perceptible wince, the sharp little intake of breath, the faint smile followed by the quick shake of the head, and never a word of complaint from the dear brave boy — but far more importantly, in the heat of battle it enables you to feign mortal hurt and shirk any further part in the action."

Herodotus - Histories

"Glutton as you are for blood, you have no cause to be proud of this day's work, which has no smack of soldierly courage. Your weapon was the fruit of the vine, with which you fill yourselves till you are so mad that, as the liquor goes down, shameful words float up on the fumes of it - that is the poison you treacherously used to get my son into your clutches. Now listen to me and I will advise you for your good: give me back my son and get out of my country with your forces intact, and be content with your triumph over a third part of the Massagetae. If you refuse, I swear by the sun our master to give you more blood than you can drink, for all your gluttony."

A better new world...

"If one world comes to an end,
To the next one you must send
  only peace and love to make it a happy place."

The rum?

"But why is the rum gone?"
-Captain Jack Sparrow, Curse of the Black Pearl

Contemplating Capt.n. Jack Sparrow

"That has to be the best pirate I've ever seen!"

The Glorious People's Revolution!

"Truth! Justice! Freedom! And a Hard-boiled egg!"
-Terry Pratchett, Night Watch :D :D

A consummate politician...

They tell me he was a man quite devoid of principles, whatever they are, but I’d put it another way and say he was a consummate politician.


-Flashman and the Angel of the Lord

My question was not addressed to you...

"He turned off the main passage and reached for the handles of a large, red-lacquered pair of doors.  Then he looked behind him.  Lobsang had stopped dead, some yards away.
'Coming?'
'But not even dongs are allowed in there!' said Lobsang.  'You have to be a Third Djim ting at least!'
'Yeah, right.  It's a short-cut.  Come on, it's draughty out here.'
With extreme reluctance, expecting at any moment the outraged scream of authority, Lobsang trailed after the sweeper.
And he was just a sweeper!  One of the people who swept the floors and washed the clothes and cleaned the privies!  No-one had ever mentioned it!  Novices heard about Lu-Tze from their first day - how he'd gone into some of the most tangled knots of time and unravelled them, how he'd dodged the traffic on the crossroads of history, how he could divert time with a word and used this to develop the most subtle arts of battle...
...and here was a skinny little man who was sort of generically ethnic, so that he looked as if he could have come from anywhere, in a robe that had once been white before it to all thosse stains and patches, and the sandals repaired with string.  And the friendly grin, as if he was constantly waiting for something amusing to happen.  And no belt at all, just another piece of string to hold his robe closed.  Even some novices got to the level of grey dong in their first year!
  The dojo was busy with senior monks at practice.  Lobsang had to dodge aside as a pair of fighters whirled past, arms and legs blurring as each sought an opening, paring time into thinner and thinner slivers-
'You!  Sweeper!'
Lobsang looked round, but the shout had been directed at Lu-Tze.  A ting, only just elevated to the Third Djim by the fresh look of his belt, was advancing on the little man, his face red with fury.
'What for are you coming in here, cleaner of filth?  This is forbidden!'
Lu-Tze's little smile didn't change.  But he reached into his robe and brought out a small bag.
' 'S a short-cut,' he said.  He pulled a pinch of tobacco and, while the ting loomed over him, began to roll a cigarette.  'And there's dirt everywhere, too.  I'll certainly have a word with the man who does this floor.'
'How dare you insult!' screamed the monk.  'Back to the kitchens with you, sweeper!'
  Cowering behind Lu-Tze, Lobsang realized that the entire dojo had stopped to watch this.  One or two monks were whispering to one another.  The man in the brown robe of the dojo master was watching impassively from his chair, with his chin on his hand.
  With great and patient and infuriating delicacy, like a samurai arranging flowers, Lu-Tze marshalled the shreds of tobacco in the flimsy cigarette paper.
'No, I reckon I'll go out of that door over there, if you don't mind,' he said.
'Impudence!  Then you are ready to fight, enemy of dust?'  The man leapt back and raised his hands to form Combat of the Hake.  He spun round and planted a kick on a heavy leather sack, hitting it so hard that its supporting chain broke.  Then he was back to face Lu-Tze, hands held in the Advancement of the Snake.
'Ai!  Shao!  Hai-eee-' he began.
  The dojo master stood up.  'Hold!'  he commanded.  'Do you not want to know the name of the man you are about to destroy?'
  The fighter held his stance, glaring at Lu-Tze.  'I don't need to know name of sweeper,' he said.
  Lu-Tze rolled the cigarette into a skinny cylinder and winked at the angry man, which only stoked the anger.
  'It is always wise to know the name of a sweeper, boy,' said the dojo master.  'And my question was not addressed to you.'

* * * *

'My name,' said Lu-Tze, leaning on his broom as the irate ting raised a hand, 'is Lu-Tze.'
  The dojo went silent.  The attacker paused in mid-bellow.
'Ai!  Hao-gng!  Gnh?  Ohsheeeeeeohsheeeeee...'
The man did not move but seemed instead to turn in on himself, sagging from the martial crouch into a kind of horrified, penitent crouch.
  Lu-Tze bent over and struck a match on his unprotesting chin.
'What's your name, lad?'  he said, lighting his ragged cigarette.
'His name is mud, Lu-Tze,' said the dojo master, striding forward.  'Well, Mud, you know the rules.  Face the man you have challenged, or give up the belt.'
  The figure remained very still for a moment, and then cautiously, in a manner almost theatrically designed not to give offence, started to fumble with his belt.
  'No, no, we don't need that,' said Lu-Tze kindly.  'It was a good challenge.  A decent "Ai!" and a very passable "Hai-eee!", I thought.  Good martial gibberish all round, such as you don't often hear these days.  And we would not want his trousers falling down at a time like this, would we?'  He sniffed and added, 'Especially at a timd like this.'
  He patted the shrinking man on the shoulder.  'Just you recall the rule your teacher here taught you on day one, eh?  I mean, some of us have to tidy up in here.'
  Then he turned and nodded to the dojo master.
'While I am here, master, I should like to show young Lobsang the Device of Erratic Balls.'
  The dojo master bowed deeply.  'It is yours, Lu-Tze the Sweeper.'
  As Lobsang followed the ambling Lu-Tze he heard the dojo master, who like all teachers never missed an opportunity to drive home a lesson, say: 'Dojo!  What is Rule One?'
  Even the cowering challenger mumbled along to the chorus:
'Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!'
  'Good rule, Rule One,' said Lu-Tze, leading his new acolyte into the next room.  'I have met many people who could have heeded it to good advantage.'
~From 'Thief of Time', by Terry Pratchett

What we (don't) learn from history...

"The thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history" - so true ;)

Dr. Seuss

"The writer who breeds more words than he needs is making a chore for the reader who reads!"

~Dr.Seuss.

ALWAYS remember Rule One!

"Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!"

-- Rule One (Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time)

So says the Way of Mrs. Cosmopolite

"For is it not written- wrap up warm or you'll catch your death?" -Terry Pratchett (legend :D), via Lu Tze, the History Monk :D

To slay or not to slay...?

"Knowing he was doomed, Humbaba cried out,
"I curse you both. Because you have done this,
may Enkidu die, may he die in great pain,
may Gilgamesh be inconsolable,
may his merciless heart be crushed with grief."

Gilgamesh dropped his axe, appalled.
Enkidu said, "Courage, dear friend.
Close your ears to Humbaba's curses.
Don't listen to a word. Slaughter him! Now!"

Gilgamesh, hearing his beloved friend,
came to himself. He yelled, he lifted
his massive axe, he swung it, it tore
into Humbaba's neck, the blood
shot out..."

From Book V of Gilgamesh, A new English version by Stephen Mitchell

Hamburger... no thanks!

"...a disgusting luncheon consisting of a cake of fried chopped beef smothered in onions and train oil..." -Flashman and the Angel of the Lord :)

John Maxwell Edmonds, WW1 Memorial

"When You Go Home, Tell Them Of Us And Say,
For Their Tomorrow, We Gave Our Today".

Charles Babbage

“Propose to any Englishman any principle, or any instrument, however admirable, and you will observe that the whole effort of the English mind is directed to find a difficulty, defect or an impossibility in it.”

Unknown Author

"Imagination is intelligence having fun."

Dulce et decorum est...

"Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori, sed dulcius pro patria vivere,et dulcissimum pro patria bibere. Ergo, bibamus pro salute patriae."

Latin quote

"Amare est viver - to love is to live"

Mr. Churchill

"Five years of toil and blood and tears and sweat;
Five years of faith and prophecy and plan!
He spoke our mind before our mind was set;
He saw our deeds before our deeds began.
He rode the hurricane as none did yet;
Our Finest Hour reveled our Finest Man."
-A. P. Herbert

My Aim... :)

The aim of this blog is to compile, slowly but surely, a compentium if you will of all my cherished quotes, those witty one-liners, those inspiring speeches, all the literary odds and ends that have touched my life. I figure if I love them, then you might too, so here goes. Quote one, coming your way!